News Round Up

GET a life!

Apparently the BBC has received 545 complaints about the sound of vuvuzela horns during its World Cup coverage.


CAN you hum the Algerian national anthem? No? What about the Slovakian or Greek offerings?

Don’t worry, the next four weeks of World Cup action will give you plenty of opportunity to get to know these ‘catchy’ tunes.


by Patrick O’Connor

‘A professor has found after extensive research there are two sizes of penis amongst UK men. There are those which fall within the normal size range and those which are less than two inches while erect.

‘The professor has appealed for help to continue his research. Can all men in the UK with extremely small penises make themselves known over the next six weeks by flying a white flag with a red cross from their cars?’


by Patrick O’Connor

AT last!

There are signs that the football world is beginning to wake up to the dangers of financial excesses.

by Patrick O’Connor

THEY call it the close season – the time when the  league programmes have ended.

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t much happening in the hurly-burly world of football, far from it.